I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
