I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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