Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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