you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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