watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
