I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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