I'm drive I can fine osifer
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
