C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
