i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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