Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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