I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize