I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
