I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
As shirtless as possible
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
