don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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