I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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