I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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