my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
