If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
