Sorry, I don't speak sober.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize