someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
