i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She needs sedatives and a leash
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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