the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
