Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
