i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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