btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i've created a new STD.
I think your dad took our porno
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
