Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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