i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
