NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
