dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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