I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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