woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
