I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
