Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
