dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
