He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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