Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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