Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
