I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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