You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
