she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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