GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
