you suck at this game today
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole