I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me