I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.