i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
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Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
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Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him