they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.