He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems