Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
