there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
