You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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