sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
