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the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
