The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
