i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
