They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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