It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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