Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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