4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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