I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
