i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
