Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
