Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
