and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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