My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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