You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
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I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
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He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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