Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
