Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
