someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
