my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
