Christians are straight up FREAKS
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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