i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
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