Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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