Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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