He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
