I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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