we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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