i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
