Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
