i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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