Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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