Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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