Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
