she was so not down for the gang bang
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize
