Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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